Intermission – How They Choose the JellO King

They search for people who don’t have room for JellO.

Even if it’s only for a moment!

Then they snatch them up. The great wobbly snarvums snatch them.

They blow their frigid snarvum breath and freeze their candidates’ bellies solid so that they’ll never have room for JellO again.

Then they take them up and they take them to the lands where JellOs live under a black-bodied sun and a red red sky.

There the candidates for King are surrounded by JellO.

There they take the test.

If they pass they are the King.

Why must they be those who have no room for JellO?

No one else would be safe.

Someone with room for JellO would devour the people of that kingdom; would break the seven circles of spells that they lay about the King in the language of that land and render with their horrible white teeth the Kingdom into ruin; as was done in the time of David and the time of Gilgamesh and the time of hungry Kings forgotten now to Man.

Someone with room for JellO would devour the prancing, bowing ministers of the JellO court; would eat those courtiers with Cool Whip perhaps or perhaps with cake.

That is why it is only those with no room for JellO who can become the JellO King.

Now one might ask if all those who have this quality must be taken, if it is necessary that any man or woman or child who has no room for JellO become a candidate for the throne; but to the sages and their dented fingertips the answer is most obvious, because the marketing copy demands nothing less.

So only those with no room for JellO can become the JellO King; and anyone with no room for JellO must become a candidate; and so you might wonder in your bedrooms and your offices, what of those who were King before?

What of the previous Kings, when the snarvums freeze and snatch another man or woman worthy of the throne?

What of those who had no room before, when a new great soul of fullness the snarvums find?

They do not say.

The sands and the JellO and the beetles in their dens are silent.

They do not say.

One thought on “Intermission – How They Choose the JellO King

  1. I suddenly have the feeling that being on the throne of the world may not be that great an experience…

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