Hans’ Farm

Hans’ farm is deep beneath the earth. It’s under the great gate. It’s under the giant centipede. It’s under the bridge where the dead soldiers march.

The rock over Hans’ farm is beautiful and dark. But the farm is doleful because Hans does bad things.

It’s bad to sharpen a goat.

Oh, Hans, it is bad.

You can sharpen goat cheese but it’s bad to sharpen the actual goat.

Hans’ goat is sawing, sawing, sawing on the bars of its pen.

It tosses its head. It cuts the wooden boards of the ceiling with its great sharp head. Then it returns to its sawing, sawing, sawing on the steel bars of its pen.

It is not a good goat.

Nobody wants Hans’ goat to escape.

That would be bad.

It’s bad to plug in a cow.

Oh, Hans, it is bad.

Electricity is good, but not too much electricity, and just about any amount is too much for a cow.

Hans’ cow is there, on his farm deep beneath the earth. It’s pretty shocked. It’s crackling. It’s dancing. It aurores. Soon it is on fire.

Hans’ cow burns.

Hans’ cow burns, deep beneath the world.

It’s bad to whisk a duck.

No, seriously. I know a lot of people think it’s hip.

But it’s not.

It’s bad to whisk a duck.

Oh, Hans, it is bad.

Whisking is cool. You can whisk things and make them fluffy. You can whisk them to and fro. It’s good to whisk eggs and make them foam.

But it’s bad to whisk a duck.

When you whisk a duck, it quacks vigorously and flutters, and that part is good. But then it dies, and its spirit can never rest.

Hans’ duck is glowering.

It is hungry.

It is glowering.

It endures its whisked existence:

On Hans’ farm, deep beneath the earth.

9 thoughts on “Hans’ Farm

  1. I think the deeper meaning of this one is “Wow gosharoonie, ‘She Had Forgotten All the Red’ was depressing! Let’s have something light and fluffy for a break, like a whisked duck.”

  2. “Bad Old Hans he had a farm
    And on that farm he whisked a duck…”

    I’d usually connect Hans with Hades in the main storyline: the great gate is the gate to hell, though I don’t know what the giant centipede or the bridge is. But the main storyline seems to be in hiatus.

  3. C’mon…. a little duck whisking never hurt anyone. Except, of course, the ducks, and they don’t have moral weight.

  4. [quote:d4dfa50971=”Ford Dent”]But what of the cow? Cows have considerable moral weight, especially in India.[/quote:d4dfa50971]

    Nobody is talking about whisking cows.

    That’s not hip at all.

    Good God, man, have some sense.

    We’re not [i:d4dfa50971]savages![/i:d4dfa50971]

  5. As anyone can obviously see, it is a post-modern critique on the modern white male hegemony. While it is ostensibly a surrealistic farce, just below the surface is a scathing indictment of that hegemony.

    Hans is the plutocracy which currently runs the world. And his farm is the globalized economy which that plutocracy controls.

    The rock, ‘beautiful and dark’ which is above Hans’ farm is the looming environmental crisis. It is never mentioned again, a reference to the refusal of our society to admit or discuss the consequences of our age of consumerism.

    The goat is the aspirations of the proletariat. These aspirations are given urgency (sharpening) by the current system, but are ultimately never fulfilled (caged). But if these desires were allowed free reign, ruination would result. This is one of the essential contradictions of the current hegemony, brought into stark relief by this incredible metaphor.

    I could go on, but the other metaphors are self-evident.

    Just kidding.

    Actually, I didn’t really get any deeper meaning either. But it was silly and fun, which is good enough for me.

  6. But this is explicitly set in someplace that is not India. In fact it is below India. So you have to expect that any weight that the cow may have had is considerably less because the cow is closer to the center of the earth. Now, the moral mass of the cow may be the same, but we were talking about weight… *grin*

    Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

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