(History: Boedromion 15) Round Man vs. Manners

This is a history of Round Man.

It is the beginning. There is no before. If there is something that precedes the beginning, Round Man does not know of it.

Round Man cannot know of it.

The before that is forgotten is indistinguishable from the before that was not there.

Round Man’s world begins with chaos. It is the chaos that dwells outside the light cone of his world. His world emerges from that chaos and he is alive.

His life is full of trouble.

Here is why Round Man’s life is full of trouble. He is married to Chaos Woman. She is always telling him things.

Like, “Don’t eat that! That’s your child!”

Or “Stop cohabiting with dead things like that.”

Or “Please don’t bother me when I’m turning into a wolf. It is already very difficult.”

(Which it is.)

This kind of thing always embarrasses Round Man. He feels strange because Chaos Woman knows him. She knows the truth about his failings and also about his virtues. This makes him acutely self-aware.

Self-awareness is awkward. So you can see why Chaos Woman is no end of trouble.

Round Man has a dog.

The dog barks. The dog wags its tail happily. Then one day a person breaks the dog by hitting it with a spear.

“No!” says Round Man.

The dog makes a whining noise. It wriggles unhappily. It is dead.

“I will fix you,” says Round Man.

Round Man operates on the dog.

“I will give you lasers,” says Round Man. “But you must promise not to use them unless it is important.”

So Round Man gives the dog lasers and brings it back to life. It’s just like the opening credits of the six million dollar man!

That’s why dogs have lasers but hardly ever use them.

One day Round Man is walking with his dog. He is chewing on a piece of someone. He has an insight.

“This person does not taste right. This is not a person for eating!”

He looks around.

In every direction he can see people who are not being used in the proper fashion. There are skilled hunters who are living in the fields eating grass. There are inventive geniuses relaying sunlight from place to place by hand. There are cows lording it over people from their blood-drenched thrones.

So Round Man says, “Let things happen in a fashion that is more appropriate.”

Now hunters hunt. Geniuses think. Cows go, “Moo!”

So Round Man is very pleased. He thinks Chaos Woman will be pleased too.

But his dog is looking at him.

His dog isn’t pleased.

It is whining again. It is looking terribly betrayed.

“Huh?” says Round Man.

The dog leaves him. It goes to a bleak and distant land.

Sometimes it’s okay to rebuild a dead dog with cybernetic parts. Sometimes it’s not. But it’s never appropriate for the dead to stay with the living.

You can even ask Ann Landers!

She’ll tell you the same thing!

6 thoughts on “(History: Boedromion 15) Round Man vs. Manners

  1. I have no idea what to make of this as a history. Especially the now-canonical fact that dogs in the Hitherbyverse have lasers.

    What an odd creation story.

  2. Well, Round Man is pretty obviously the world. Chaos Woman is the rest of the universe.

    Though I’m not entirely sure that sitting on blood-drenched thrones isn’t the native state of cows. They always did look somewhat suspicious.

  3. I was expecting a creation myth to appear this chapter, because of the legends about creationism.

    I wasn’t expecting such an odd creation story.

    That shows I’m still not understanding Hitherby, I think.


    Eating his child. Is this Saturn? Are the other warnings from Chaos Woman about other creation myths?

    Chaos Woman is trying to impose order on Round Man, but by having him follow laws. Per Eric, Chaos Woman is also the rules of reality?

  4. This is a really interesting segment. I like it a lot. I don’t know what else to say about it at the moment, other than,

    I think this is the birth of Dharma.

    You know, I think you just may be right.

    Edit: Actually, if this is the birth of Dharma, that might have interesting implications for how Dharma might change or be changed with the changing of the World (that is, the Round Man). I’m to tired right now to explore what those implications might be, but they’re there. I think.

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