Summarizing the Reasons for the Delay

Nasar argues.

Nasar is trying to build a Constitution. His efforts are, he believes, noble, and will, as he imagines them, meet the deadline given to him.

Then he sees the telltale animation for Force of Aggro.

“Ack! I’m being pulled!” he says.

His coworkers on the drafting committee consider this.

“Oh dear,” summarizes Mariam.

“That’s nice,” drawls one of the Sunnis.

Allah has not spoken on pulling, and both of these attitudes are permissible under Islamic law.

FoA lands. Nasar finds himself growing angry. He is very angry at someone named Drisst.

“I must go!” he says.

He tables the business of the meeting. Then he leaps onto the table. Then he pursues Drisst towards the hall.

It is a good pull. There is only one other Shiite whom Nasar passes near, Jalaldin, and Jalaldin is a very low-level Shiite Constitutional Committee Member. Jalaldin links to Nasar but won’t make a very large difference in the struggle to come.

Nasar and Jalaldin leave the chamber where they had been meeting. They pass one of the impassive U.S. golems in its black metal bodysuit. They chase Drisst down the hall. Drisst is moving very quickly. Then he slows down.

“Orz!” shouts Drisst. “Sow plz!”

It echoes through the halls of the Coalition Provisional Authority Zone. Nasar, who does not understand English, finds Drisst’s shout incomprehensible.

“Use your provisional authority!” says Jalaldin, as he runs around to block Drisst’s path.

Nasar begins to glow a brilliant white. Streaks of light radiate upwards from the ground around him. Mysterious sigils appear and disappear in the air. He invokes Asheron’s Provisional Authority. (If this is confusing, please remember that Iraq is a complicated country bringing together many disparate traditions.)

Drisst reels as he acquires the Provisional status effect. This has destroyed many opportunists who seek to derail the Constitutional draft process.

But on this particular occasion the invader survives.

“I help you!” says xSephiroth. xSephiroth is a generic cleric not aligned with either the Sunni or Shi’a faiths. xSephiroth casts a spell on Drisst. Drisst speeds up again. He races off.

“Do something!” cries Nasar, to the U.S. golems, but they are indifferent to invasive pulls.

“They will not infringe upon our sovereignty,” declares Jalaldin.

Grimly, Jalaldin and Nasar follow Drisst and xSephiroth down the halls of the Coalition Provisional Authority Zone, to where the interlopers’ party waits.

P.S. This is also the cause for most domestic government delays.

13 thoughts on “Summarizing the Reasons for the Delay

  1. Well, that’s what happens when you let the mob into government…

    My own MMORPG experience has been pretty much limited to text MUDs/MUCKs/MUSHes/MOOs, so I have to wonder how much of this is going over my head.

  2. Nasar, like all epic-level politicians, is on a 12-hour spawn. This results in his being camped by Americans once a day while his other appearance is around for peak time in Asia or Europe, depending on time before kill.

    My encounters tended to look more like this, naturally:

    Gondalf shouts, “omg inc nasar 2 zon”
    /group “Aww shit”
    Gondalf shouts, “INC NASAR 2 ZONE CLR OUT”
    Nasar says, “You’ve ruined your own lands, you won’t ruin mine!”
    /group “RUN”
    Nasar says, “You’ve ruined your own lands, you won’t ruin mine!”
    Gondalf shouts, “LOL GUYZ RUN RUN RUN NASAR 2 ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!”
    Nasar says, “You will not evade me Gondalf!”
    Nasar says, “You will not evade me Eronarn!”
    You have been summoned!
    Nasar hits YOU for 502 damage!
    /group “GET ME A REZZZZZZZZ”
    Nasar hits YOU for 615 damage!
    You have been slain by Nasar
    LOADING PLEASE WAIT

    In a way, I almost miss it…! Ick, I should excise that longing.

  3. melsner, who does not understand MMORPG dialects of l33t, also finds Drisst’s shout incomprehensible. Can anyone translate?

  4. Eronarn, very funny — from “You’ve ruined your own lands, you won’t ruin mine!” to the abbreviation “zon” for Coalition Provisional Authority Zone, which is of course what it would be.

    “Drisst” and “xSephiroth” were perfect, as names.

    ScrewyAnathema, I too had my last experience with text MUDs — about 15 years ago. Strangely everything except the pull seemed familiar.

  5. melsner, who does not understand MMORPG dialects of l33t, also finds Drisst’s shout incomprehensible. Can anyone translate?

    orz – emoticon symbolizing despair (or, sometimes, a kowtow).
    sow – spirit of wolf: a spell that increases movement speed.
    plz – please.

    Rebecca

  6. Eronarn, very funny — from “You’ve ruined your own lands, you won’t ruin mine!” to the abbreviation “zon” for Coalition Provisional Authority Zone, which is of course what it would be.

    It’s all Everquest quotes – mobs (regardless of who they were – they’d yell this even if you attacked your own faction or if the mob doesn’t have any homeland) shout “You’ve ruined your own lands, you won’t ruin mine!” when they aggro on you. A zone is an in-game area bordered by an artificial boundary that mobs can’t cross, and if a player crosses a zone boundary, mobs will lose their aggro on him (good for escaping). Unfortunately, they’ll reset to their default aggro state, so if a player is KOS (kill-on-sight) and standing near the zone he will be pummeled severely. Often, people will accidentally pull something far too strong, or many things that are far too strong – this is called a ‘train’, since there’ll be a huge line of enemies running behind the puller. It’s considered impolite to train at all, and harassment to train without shouting warning, since people hang out at the zone point to find groups (often going AFK).

    sow – spirit of wolf: a spell that increases movement speed.

    Of course, SoW can’t be cast indoors… so I guess that the Coalition Provisional Authority Zone must include the surrounding courtyards! Fancy.

  7. Thanks, Eronarn, and it’s too bad that all Everquest mobs shout the same thing. I thought that you’d picked a particular quote out of many because it seemed applicable.

    It’s really bad design to have them all shout the same thing, by the way; it couldn’t be too hard to program them to vary appropriately.

  8. I liked Earth and Beyond for that – very few mobs would actually talk to you in combat (since you’re an enemy after all, they’re not going to waste time using their comms); however, the ones that did (scripted encounters) always had interesting things to say. :lol:

  9. This entry had me lauging out loud. The way two seriously out-of-sync worlds collide in this story reminds me of some certain Monty Python skits – but in a much more modern setting, of course.

  10. Been away from Hitherby most of the month.

    Hell, I’ve been away from EARTH most of the month.

    But THIS drew me out long enough to laugh.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, Azeroth beckons.

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