Good Potato is delicious.
Bad Potato is rotten.
Good Potato is best with sour cream and chives.
Bad Potato is best when you are pretty full already.
Good Potato engages in regular god meditation, in which Good Potato is not a potato but a god.
Bad Potato daydreams about equally bad bacon.
Good Potato tenses the pubococcygeus during orgasm, preventing ejaculation and preserving Good Potato’s essential jing.
Bad Potato dissipates Bad Potato’s yang energy every sexual encounter.
Good Potato drinks the elixir of eternal life.
Bad Potato drinks mercury while loudly referring to it as “reverted cinnabar.”
Good Potato keeps the secret of the Daoist register passed down to him by the Perfect Man.
Bad Potato shares the secret of the Daoist register with the sky, the sun, and the sea. Really, Bad Potato is quite talkative.
Good Potato achieves ecstasy by staring into the eyes of Good Potato’s lover. This is the “eye staring sexual tantra dharma.”
Bad Potato has never felt such an ecstasy. Bad Potato loudly tells everyone that it does not exist. This is the “inadequate potato loudly boasting perfection tantra dharma.”
Good Potato decides that Good Potato has lived long enough. Good Potato hops into the oven. Good Potato slowly bakes.
Bad Potato watches.
Good Potato becomes crispy. Good Potato becomes even more delicious. (It is in fact quite surprising that Good Potato was delicious while raw.)
Bad Potato ventures to ask, “Doesn’t that hurt?”
“That’s only a concern for Bad Potatoes like yourself!” says Good Potato.
Good Potato and Bad Potato is a classic Zen story. Just ask Huang-po!