Lord of the Rings IV: King Kong

There is an evil in Valinor that does not sleep.

PICTURE OF A STONE MONKEY. IT BEGINS TO MOVE.

Sun Wu-Kung shouts, “I am the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven!”

It has been safely bound for many years.

PICTURE OF SUN WU-KUNG BOUND BENEATH THE MOUNTAIN

Sun Wu-Kung writhes. He whispers, “Baggins. Baggins. SHIRE!”

But now . . . it has awakened.

WORMTONGUE STANDS BESIDE SUN WU-KUNG

“Great Sage,” says Wormtongue. “The bearer of the ring comes to Valinor.”

Sun Wu-Kung looks up.

“He bears the imprint of the ring upon his soul.”

And not all the powers of Valinor . . .

VARIOUS POWERS KNEEL BEFORE FRODO

“You have my sword,” says Melkor.

“And my eagles,” says Manwë.

“And my infinite power,” says Eru Ilúvatar.

Frodo looks very impressed.

“Showoff,” mutters Melkor.

can stop the tragedy that is to come.

FRODO IS SAILING WITH SAMWISE NEAR AN ISLAND WITH A MOUNTAIN ON IT.

“Monkey Island?” asks Frodo. “What’s that?”

A great wave rises.

SUN WU-KUNG STANDS BEFORE FRODO.

The Great Sage’s power wrenches a burning ring-shaped essence from Frodo’s chest. Power pulls it slowly through the air towards Sun Wu-Kung, while Frodo’s face contorts.

A GIANT MONKEY KING STANDS OVER MONKEY ISLAND, WIELDING HIS MANY-SIZE ROD, STARING AT VALINOR.

Eagles fly past Sun Wu-Kung, with wizards standing on them firing blasts of power at the Monkey King. He slaps at them.

A GREAT HAND COMES DOWN TO GRIP FRODO.

“Sam,” whispers Frodo. “Sam.”

The Monkey King begins to climb.

Just when you thought it was safe to sail West and leave behind the burdens of material existence . . .

THE MONKEY KING LOOMS OVER ERU ILÚVATAR.

Slowly, reluctantly, Eru Ilúvatar kneels.

LORD OF THE RINGS: KING KONG

“I beat Sauron!” shouts Frodo. “I shouldn’t have to fight a giant monkey!”

Coming soon.

6 thoughts on “Lord of the Rings IV: King Kong

  1. “I beat Sauron!” shouts Frodo. “I shouldn’t have to fight a giant monkey!”

    That has tagline written all over it. :)

  2. “Monkey Island?” asks Frodo. “What’s that?”

    “That’s the second largest stone monkey head I’ve ever seen, Frodo!”

    That would actually make a pretty entertaing bit in a Monkey Island game, now that I think about it.

  3. I have been reading entirely too much Saiyuki in the last two days. The monkey king is a twelve year old kid in that one.

    You should try Walter Jon Williams’s novella “Broadway Johnny.” The main character is a descendant of the king’s. The story is 1930s screwball comedy, Hong Kong action, political dramedy, and Chinese & Japanese myth, all at once. Takes place during the Japanese occupation of Manchuria…

  4. See, this is what happens when you craft a mythologic world using purely zero-sum divine power: Without Buddha to enlighten Monkey, Monkey stays bad.

    When Monkey is bad, Monkey is very, very, very Bad.

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